they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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