I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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