Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
