imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
