They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
