How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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