You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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