just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
