Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
