drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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