am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
