News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
