i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
