to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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