we're blogging at a bar
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
