so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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