doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
