Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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