Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
