Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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