We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
