Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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