I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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