U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
