Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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