Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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