I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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