I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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