i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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