Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
