Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
