I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Randomize
