Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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