He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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