M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Someone shit on the floor
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
