dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
