I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
