he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
