Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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