I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
