I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
NoShamevember. You game?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
