the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize