Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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