i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize