She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
There's even glitter on my cock...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
