WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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