Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
