ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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