her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
