hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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