counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
