She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
