I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
