so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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