Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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