Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
