Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
