all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
