I wish I could punch you in the face.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
