You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just high enough for therapy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
