honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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