I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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