Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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