every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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