if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
