pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
