I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
