who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize