i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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