im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize