i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
