im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
