Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
