So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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