Have you finally orgasmed yet?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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