Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
