Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
