My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
