My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
