I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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