He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
