I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
