Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
