Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
