she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize