I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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