My balls are so social today.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize