WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
