I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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